Southern Fried




	WRITE 2 THE HEART Stories that are aimed "Write 2 the Heart" May 1, 2002 Issue 050102 Cheryl Speir, Editor, moderator@write2theheart.com -------------------------------------------------------- By subscription only! Welcome to your next issue of "WRITE 2 THE HEART" ------------------------------------------------------- Do you have a heart-warming story to share with our readers? We are accepting story submissions at this time. Please email your original story to moderator@write2theheart.com ---------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------- We can all identify with today's humorous story. Maybe you were behind the counter, maybe you were at the end of the line, or maybe you were the customer trying to get what you wanted in a one size fits all restaurant. ---------------------------------------------------------- Southern Fried Chicken By Pete Hall ---------------------------------------------------------- I had a hankering for good ol' mouth-watering, fattening, artery-blocking, heart-attack-on-a-plate fried chicken, so I grabbed my cane, hobbled out to the old flivver and moseyed on down to the local southern-fried establishment, where I had not been for several years. There were long lines of people with, I guess, the same craving as me. The smells were delicious and the pictures looked like I could eat chicken right off the walls. Two young women were waiting on customers and when it finally came to be my turn, one asked, "May I help you, sir?" "I want some chicken," I told her. And right then it seemed things started going downhill. She only looked at me for several long seconds, then finally broke her silence. "Would you like a meal?" "Of course I want a meal," I said, wondering whether her head was attached properly. "Why else would I be standing here?" "Two piece meal, three piece meal or bucket?" she asked, unperturbed. Bucket? "Three piece meal," I stated. "Potatoes and gravy, baked beans, coleslaw, biscuit or a different side?" Side? "Yes," I said. Maybe she was having a seizure of some kind. She sounded confused. "Which?" "Potatoes and gravy, baked beans, coleslaw and biscuit." I said. I was really hungry and my stomach was making 'feed me' noises. "That will cost extra," she stated flatly. "Original, barbecued, extra crispy, baked or Cajun?" I considered. "Yes," I said. Her whole body shook. I looked around me. No, we were not having an earthquake, for only a few of the people standing in line behind me were shaking, and mostly it was their fists. "Are you all right?" I asked the girl, concerned. "You said yes," she said. "Yes," I said again. "You want one of everything?" "Yes." "But that's five pieces," she said, "you ordered a three piece meal." "Then sell me a five piece meal," I said, wondering why she was making this so complicated. "We don't have a five piece meal." Now I was the one who was confused. "I can't buy a five piece meal?" "No. We have a two piece meal, a three piece meal or an eight piece bucket." Ah! The bucket! "Ok," I said, willing to cooperate. "I'll have the bucket." I was pleased. Things were moving right along. "Original, barbecued, extra crispy, baked or Cajun?" she asked again. I was onto her now. "Two of each," I said confidently, "except the Cajun." "I can't do that!" She sounded panicky now. I hoped she would not have another seizure. "Then why did you offer?" I asked. She took a few deep breaths. "That will cost you extra," she stated. "Ok." I was willing to help her out, seeing as she was in such bad health. People behind me were getting restless. They were probably as hungry as me. "All white, all dark, or mixed?" Lord have mercy! A single tear ran down the girl's cheek. I hoped her shift was over soon and she could go home and take care of herself. I supposed I could not just say 'yes' to this one. "Mixed?" I said hesitantly. "Okay," she muttered after taking a series of deep breaths. "One eight piece bucket, mixed, two original, two barbecued, two baked and two extra crispy; one potatoes and gravy, one baked beans, one coleslaw and one biscuit. Off menu prices.extra.That will be $32.48." Good Lord Almighty! She looked at me expectantly. I turned to the crowd behind me for sympathy and they looked at me expectantly. I swallowed the knot in my throat and pulled out my checkbook. "We don't take checks." I put it away and pulled out my wallet, offering her a major credit card. "We don't take credit cards." She was smiling now. Sheepishly I asked, "Will money work?" I emptied my wallet. $28.00. Oh boy. I looked at the girl with chagrin. "I'm afraid I'm a little shy." Money suddenly appeared in the air, flying from the fists of the people behind me. More than enough to pay for my food and a tip for the sickly young thing behind the counter. I nodded my thanks, grabbed the bags of food and hobbled out the door to the sound of laughter and applause. When I finally got to eat my meal, this is how I found it: The biscuit was cold and the little pat of butter would not spread. The potatoes and gravy, baked beans, and coleslaw were good, though I don't know how anyone could ruin potatoes, beans and cabbage. I got one breast, one thigh, two drumsticks, two wings and two unidentifiable pieces. The original was delicious. I suspect the extra crispy was the original the day before, and refried. I suspect the baked was the original the day before and warmed over in the oven. I strongly suspect the barbecued was the extra crispy and the baked two days before, and could not be sold as extra crispy and baked. I was grateful that I did not opt to try the Cajun. The breast was good. The thigh was okay. The drumsticks were over-cooked and tough. The wings had no meat. I did not attempt to eat the unidentifiable chunks of maybe chicken. The next time, I will go out and wring the neck of my own chicken, and maybe that of the first fast-food worker I happen to see. © 2000 W.P.Hall el_oso_jefe @ hotmail.com (You are encouraged to write to the authors to let them know what you think of their story, just remember to remove the space before and after the @ symbol. The space is placed in the address to protect our writers from viruses.) -------------------------------------------------------- The written word has been a constant companion to me throughout my life. Whether it be a paperback Max Brand novel sticking out of my back pocket, or a daily journal in front of me, relating to no one in particular how my day has been going. I am 53 years old, and am a grandfather ten times over, with number eleven due very soon. The kids give me plenty of story ideas, so I rarely stumble over a writer's block. I graduated from High School in 1967, and after finishing one quarter of auto mechanics, I knew that grease and I would never get along, so for most of my working life I have sold sporting goods. I don't make a living from my writing, but surely would like to give it a shot. I hope you enjoy my work. My website: http://www.angelfire.com/journal2/ThePeterPurview/inde x.html --------------------------------------------------------- Dear James, That was a frightening experience for you, your wife, and your neighbor. You told the story so well. We had a friend, now deceased, who used to tell people about feeding the raccoons out at the lake where they lived. She said they came up on the deck, and she enjoyed watching them. Her husband and the neighbors were unhappy with her because they were afraid for their cats. There have been very few cases of rabies in animals here in Central Washington, the state. But of course the danger is always present. Raccoons will kill cats if they come too close, rabies or not. I correspond via e-mail with a friend of my brother, who lives in California. She also feeds raccoons, and she has sent pictures she took at night. She has two cats, and I feel she is being very foolish. I'm going to send your story to her. Maybe she'll decide to stop the practice. Pat Lowe pawlowe @ televar.com ***** I had to read Rabies twice! It reminded me of how accidents seem to happen in slow motion, all that activity in just a few minutes. What a warning, maybe we should all check and see if our pets inoculations are up to date! This story really makes you think how easy it would be for the beauty of nature to become a horror story. Marie --------------------------------------------------------- Cheryl's Corner Someone sent me a recipe for a Heavenly Fudge Pie (thanks Nancy!) I made it for David's birthday and it was so good I am going to share it with you. 1 Oreo piecrust 2 8 oz packages Cool Whip 2 packages of fudge pudding, the cook type 1 small package cream cheese 1/2 cup milk chocolate chips or chocolate curls Mix one 8 oz package of Cool Whip with the cream cheese, blend well; pour into the Oreo piecrust. Mix the two packages of pudding mix with two cups of milk, cook till very thick. Pour on top of the Cool Whip- cream cheese mixture. Top with the remaining Cool Whip, garnish with chocolate chips or curls. Chill at least one hour and serve. Can you imagine anything better than chocolate and cream cheese? God bless Cheryl --------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------- © 2002 Write 2 the Heart Nothing may be reproduced or published without the written permission of the individual author or copyright owner. All rights belong to the authors. ------------------------------------------------------------ All subscriptions sent to your email free of charge.